I picked up the ‘T’ yesterday. I was really excited to get it finally and got up mega early for me at about 5am. I got the chemist at 8am and they didn’t open until 9am. So I parked myself in Costa coffee and had a nice cappuccino to calm the nerves.

When I got it, I ran back to the office to apply it!

The ‘T’ comes in a pump action bottle – fairly small – and can easily fit in a wash bag so that you can take it away with you on holiday. First of all you have to prime the pump. Fairly straight forward – you just take the top off of it, and then press 8 times on the pump. It’s best to do it over the sink as some of the gel will come out – don’t worry just wash this off your hands with soap and water.

Next came the application part. I had read a few horror stories on-line about the gel being sticky and taking forever to be absorbed into the skin. So I decided to do it one squirt at a time and then ease it into my stomach area. The leaflet that comes with the tube suggests rubbing it into your stomach one day and then alternating between your inner thighs for the next. The gel that comes out is odourless and comes out in a teaspoonful amount. I didn’t find it too sticky and it seemed to absorb quite easily into my stomach area. 6 squirts later and all was done. Washed my hands – put back on my top and my colleagues were non-the wiser what had just taken place in the bathroom at work.

I sat for a few minutes wondering if I would start to feel strange or itchy. Nothing really changed. Got to lunch time and I felt absolutely ravenous – so I had a massive meal, probably more than usual. Towards the end of the day I felt myself getting tired as usual and just wanted to escape home and sleep.

I wasn’t really feeling any different other than a burning sensation on my chin, this could be attributed to the fact that I had my 3-weekly shave that morning – as a test to see if anything would grow during the day. I think I was being optimistic – but there is definitely more growth than normal!

When I got home it was pretty cold so I got into my lounge wear hopped on my bed and went sparko. Woke up to the sound of the neighbours having a shouting match and throwing things around. At first I thought it was my neighbour upstairs but then I realised it was the next door neighbours. This was 10pm and I was still tired so I decided to go to the toilet and follow-up with another snooze. This is the interesting bit! Normally when I got to the toilet a small amount of pee comes out – cause I pee quite often during the day. I hadn’t really thought about it in too much detail and then when I remembered I hadn’t actually pee’d all day. So when I went it was like the scene from Austin Powers where he keeps peeing for ever and ever and at one point I was wondering if I was ever going to stop! It did stop eventually! Is this going to be the norm from now on? I hope not!

I got back into bed and fell asleep. Going to bed mega early is probably not the best decision – I woke up wide awake at 2am and feeling absolutely ravenous again. I tried to go back to sleep again and ignore the hunger but my body / brain was not having any of it so I got up and made something to eat. I’ve been wide awake for about 6 hours now since about 2am. I don’t feel tired and well it’s now time to get-up and have a shower. Then make the second application & then get my backside to work!

I’ve been thinking about doing a video diary so that I can look back and see if any change has occurred. I’m going to start it at the weekend and see what happens – I’ve seen some amazing results on YouTube where people in different circumstances to me have changed so dramatically over time. I’m not expecting miracles, I am however excited at the prospect of change!

So is the way with the NHS – nothing goes to plan does it?

11 days later than planned I finally get to pick-up my treatment from the chemist. This should have happened 11 days ago – when I turned up on the 5th of January to get my prescription. They told me it could take up-to another month as they had not received the letter – I was mortified. I had built myself up for that one moment.

A week later a letter from the hospital arrived asking me to see the specialist again. I’m not going to lie this freaked me out. I text one of my best friends for reassurance, as I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to sleep for worrying over what it could mean. I spent that evening awake, mulling over what it could be – is this the reason that the prescription wasn’t ready for me?

The next day I spoke to the secretary to the specialist who had to check a few things and get back to me. The first thing that they told me was that the letter had been faxed to the GP, sadly they admitted they had sent it to the wrong one & that they would send it on immediately to the right one. Then I asked about the letter – and they said that it was a clerical oversight as the specialist wanted me to try the treatment for about 4 months to see if anything improves with my condition.

I had to wait another couple of days for the GP (the right one) to write up the prescription and on Friday 13th 2012 I was able to collect it on my way to work. I was really excited to think that I would be able to start using it on the Saturday. Not happening! It would appear that the drug used is not something that’s prescribed often so most chemists have to order it in. So I have spent most of the weekend researching the changes ahead – most of which appear daunting.

There are a lot of scary videos on YouTube featuring people with gender issues taking Testosterone – this is not the reason that I am taking it. I’m happy to confirm that I have what I was meant to have – just missed out on a few other genes that give you muscles, body hair, focus, energy and libido.

From the research that I have done it would appear that I will notice change within a week of taking it;

• increase in appetite
• increase in muscular mass
• change in body shape – shoulders broad & hips narrower
• more energy – able to do more activity and not feel that lull that I often feel during the day
• increase in libido – x 10 (One wish – purely in the name of science; that my ex-girlfriend would like to take a test drive to see if anything has changed – doubtful!!)

I’ll be reporting back this evening if I notice any differences in my day-to-day and then a follow-up soon after – wish me luck… I guess!

2012 is going to be the year that everything changes – I’ve decided to start taking the treatment so that effective January 5th 2012 the change shall be coming. Not entirely sure what changes will occur, they will be good – I have been promised this!

Since I last updated this blog – a lot of things have happened in the past 5 months – which is one of the reasons that I haven’t taken the time to write anything down. I’ve just stored it in my head until now…

I often wonder what people around me would think about me if they knew about my condition. Would it change the way that people see me. I hope so!

It’s been a complete shock to my system – it’s compromised me mentally, physically & emotionally – it’s changed the way I think about my life and the things that I want to do. I’ve put on so much weight since I found out and I can’t seem to shift it – its not nice to be a fatty and have to buy new clothes because your body is changing!

I’ve often found myself staring blankly into space thinking about why the hell is this happening to me – I’ve lost focus in daily life that has cost me dearly. I’ve also lost touch with friends and family because I’m not sure how I should tell them – I’m a mutant okay! Just missing some of the super powers!

This is probably a really stupid way of doing it – but sometimes you just need to write down what you are thinking and then for it to be read by others around you. You can’t escape the fact that people will always judge you – you’ll always get labelled for the way that you act or you are perceived by others (quiet) I’ve faced this throughout my life to date – and it stops here.

I wrote a poem (that’s what I do) about losing everything around me – this is what is happening right now – unsure of what the next steps are.

Everything I need I have,
Everything I have is lost!
© 2011 – Dan Sheridan

Seeing friends, family & social acquaintances lives documented right there for you to peruse at your leisure on social media is often something that makes me wonder if its time for me to tell my side of the story. I think it is, a problem shared is a problem solved!

What happens when that problem doesn’t have a straight forward solution: when the dream is shattered & the something that you want most you just can’t have. It’s like that time when I was seven years old and all I wanted was Castle Grayskull for my He-Man, and I was denied – so I had to improvise with a cardboard cutout – don’t think that’s going to work this time around!

What happens when the only person you could just pick-up the phone and talk to is no longer around (dad) and the person that kept you grounded has slipped away? I’m such an emotional sod – tears are dripping down my face as I write this and remember the good times of days gone by.

The biggest decision of all is waiting just around the corner whether or not to accept the treatment on offer… tell me what would you do?

In the previous post I mentioned some of the physical attributes of Klinefelters Syndrome that I have been diagnosed with. There are also a number of psychological and social traits that are common. These are the ones that I have:

• Lack of energy; due to the small amount of testosterone my body produces, I have a natural lack of energy in my daily life. I like my sleep / rest and I have often been told that I am laid back and easy going. I think this is due to the lack of energy – if I had more testosterone I’m sure I would be running around from A-B with a constant urge to be active.
• Intelligence; I’ve read articles that suggest a person with 47xxy is a slow learner, and may have problems early on in life during school. As I look back on my younger years there was a point in my life where my class mates moved into the next year and I stayed behind with the younger kids. I’m not sure if this was a class-room space issue or that I learned at a slower pace than my peers. Most probably the later of the two as sometimes I found it difficult to concentrate. That being said in terms of grades I was average – in my GSCE’s I got one A, three B’s and 5 C’s and felt rather proud of that. Going on from there I did average at college and passed my A-Levels to get me into a decent University. I graduated in 2000 with a 2:1 honours degree in multimedia technology – I guess through my academic life I maintained a steady course. I have also read that some cases of the Klinefelters syndrome would suggest that IQ ranges are 10-15 points lower than someone without and on occasion are much higher. I remember doing an IQ test and scoring really highly – I think it has something to do with being left handed (not related) and have control over both sides of my brain. I also feel that I have some great mental powers, for example I’m good at remembering strings of numbers and phrases – in particular passwords. I know my credit / debit and bank information without needing to look at my cards. I also have about 50 or so password / email combinations stored – and have the ability to remember things as if I was watching a video or looking at a picture – a photographic memory of sorts.
• Social Activity; At school I was never a fan of team sports, now in my 30’s I’m not your average male. I’m not interested at all in sports like Cricket, Golf, Boxing, Athletics or Football. Unlike some of my colleagues at work – football does not rule my life or my social calendar. Instead I fill my calendar with activities that I like to do and make me feel cheerful; playing video games, exploring the countryside with my girlfriend, going shopping and creative writing. Going back to the theme of being at school, I was never motivated to join a team or a club – probably because during PE sessions I would be often caught day dreaming at the side of the pitch or deliberatly running in the opposite direction so I didn’t have to take part. On the other hand I quite liked solo sports – Swimming was a favourite and during my school years I achieved many badges and awards. I also was a keen cyclist and rode my bike everywhere – recently through work I have joined our cycle scheme and got back into cycling – it’s a great way to exercise doing something I like to do – and not running in a gym surrounded my testosterone pumped guys – which for me is a very daunting experience.
• Friends; I’ll be honest I don’t have many ‘man’ friends – this is probably due to the fact that I don’t like team sports so outside of work I probably don’t have anything to talk about that your typical man would discuss. I like music and have a very eclectic taste after working in the industry for over 5 years. I like Sci-Fi shows (Doctor Who, Stargate (I have even had a beer with Teal’c) V, Battlestar Galactica etc) and a bit of a film buff. I don’t really have anyone that I would pick-up the phone and have a chat with – feels a bit odd, and some of the people that I know would probably take the piss – so I generally avoid thinking about doing this. I remember when I was a college and at university a large percentage of my friends were female. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with having an exta ‘X’ chromosome – I would talk to my female friends for hours on the phone or down the pub and at the time thought it was very normal to do so.
• Emotions; I’m a very sensitive / emotional person. If I’m watching something on the TV that has either a great or sad story I will generally shed a tear. I’m not ashamed of this – I actually embrace it, as it shows that men can have a softer side and it is accepted. I’m not saying that I’m balling my eyes out – just the odd tear will appear from time to time. I think this is what has enabled me to be a creative type and write down my thoughts and feelings in the poetry that I write. I’ve watched people read what I have written and cry their eyes out. I’ve got a weird way of seeing something happen, capture the emotion and then write it down – so when someone reads it back they feel exactly what I saw and it triggers those emotions all over again.
• Confidence; When I’m on my own and in control of a situation – I’m as confident as I need to be. When I’m with others and in particular colleagues, my confidence goes out of the window and sometimes I struggle to make sense. I’m not sure why this happens – I can only relate it to when I go for a pee, and someone comes in and pee’s next to me and then I can’t pee until they have gone – it’s that same kind of feeling. It’s very easy for people to misundertand who you are as a person when your confidence takes a holiday. I’m sure many people at work think that I’m quiet and shy and not confident – that’s not the case at all. It’s down to the people that surround you, in my group there are a lot of people who are naturally loud and naturally more hairy than me – so they stand out. If these people understood my condition, things might feel different for me and I would feel more confident when speaking to them and when present in a group. Someone once said that we all have the power inside of us, we just have to believe – I think this is true – however having the right (normal) dose of testosterone in your body to begin with helps even more.

It’s getting late, so I best go to bed as I like my sleep – something that I read is that people with Klinefelter’s Syndrome have problems getting up in the morning and starting their day. This is defintely true of me. I can stay up till 2-3am and not feel tired, however when the alarm goes off at 07.30am I just want to stay asleep. Normally go through 2-3 rounds of snooze alarms before I can pull myself out of the bed and get ready at a snails pace. As soon as the alarm goes off my girlfriend is bolt up-right in the bed and off downstairs for a shower – even with HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) I don’t think it will make me get up any quicker – however I’m looking forward to testing it out and seeing what results I get.

I woke up one morning and wondered why there isn’t much information on the internet about the condition that I have recently been diagnosed with. If you look at anyone in the street – it’s hard to point a finger at someone and instantly know that they have Klinefelters Syndrome or 47XXY as there is nothing about the condition that makes you stand out from the crowds – so why is there hardly any information about it?

What is Klinefelters Syndrome?

Klinefelter syndrome, 47, XXY, or XXY syndrome is a condition in which human males have an extra X chromosome. While females have an XX chromosomal makeup, and males an XY, affected individuals have at least two X chromosomes and at least one Y chromosome. Because of the extra chromosome, individuals with the condition are usually referred to as “XXY Males”, or “47, XXY Males”.

Signs and Symptoms

Affected males are almost always effectively infertile, although advanced reproductive assistance is sometimes possible. Some degree of language learning impairment may be present, and neuropsychological testing often reveals deficits in executive functions.In adults, possible characteristics vary widely and include little to no signs of affectedness, a lanky, youthful build and facial appearance, or a rounded body type with some degree of gynecomastia (increased breast tissue). Gynecomastia is present to some extent in about a third of affected individuals, a slightly higher percentage than in the XY population. About 10% of XXY males have gynecomastia noticeable enough that they may choose to have cosmetic surgery.

After reading the above you can see why its not a condition that you would shout about.

I think differently – in terms of physical appearance. I’m lanky, I have a large wingspan (the doctor’s words – not mine), a youthful look (lack of body & facial hair), ability to gain weight only around the mid-section, problems with my teeth from an early age and after a years worth of tests and hospital visits it would appear that I am infertile.